The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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