I can tuck mytits in my pants
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
