Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
