I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
