I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
