Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
