Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
