Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Congratulations! We have a period
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
