I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This is the high leading the old right now
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
