I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
