i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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