Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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