the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
