Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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