I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
