so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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