so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
