I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
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