i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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