Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
