As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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