Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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