i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
