when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
