White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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