Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
