I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
