the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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