I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
