Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
