Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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