i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
