hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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