i barfeds in our rink
We got so high we made milksteak
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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