"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I look better un-naked...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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