I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
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