She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
