Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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