I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
