please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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