you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize