Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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