So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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