I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
