Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
