were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
