So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
