he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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