Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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