"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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