just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
