I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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