Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
