just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
