I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
