I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
