I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm too high and old for this...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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