I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
