Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
