we're chasing vodka with high fives
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
