Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I checked into jail on foursquare
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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