omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
