i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
