i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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