i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
