yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
