You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
