this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
