May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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