Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
