I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
