you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
