I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
